BFFL...

Jacob had his first kiss this past week.
I found out through the grapevine.
I couldn't be more happy that
he found someone that makes him smile.
I couldn't be more sad that
he didn't call me the second it happened.

It finally hit me that
things will never be the same between us.

We talked last night after
what seemed like forever
and he told me
that he is truly happy.
I loved hearing that, but
I wish I could be a part of it.
He let me know that he doesn't know
where I fit in his life right now
and it would be best if we
didn't talk much until
he figures that out.

I have taken notice to
how many people say,
"I married my best friend."
I always had a break between the two,
I always had my best friend,
and then my boyfriend.
Jacob pointed this out to me last night.
He always knew I wouldn't
marry the people I was dating,
because I was his best friend
and he was mine.

I am glad I realized this,
because I understand now that
they have to be the same person
or it doesn't work.

So, I want to hear about all of your
best friends...
a.k.a. significant others.
So if you read this, please
make a post about your
"best friend" on your blog.
I would like to read them,
they will make me smile!

I can't wait to find my best friend.
:)

Earl.

I was able to take pictures of more of my nieces and nephew...

They make my job so easy and fun!

Before I left on my mission,
I took their pictures when Ashley was born.
Sophie was not too happy, because
I was taking pictures of Ashley instead of her.
I titled this picture
"The Grumbles".
I feel that it perfectly depicts what it means
to have the grumbles.

When I took their pictures this time,
Ashley was the one who had "The Grumbles",
and I was able to catch it on camera.

It must run in the family...
I love these kids even when they have the grumbles.

Mormon Swearing.

I don't know why, but
I laughed hysterically when I watched this video...
I hope y'all enjoy as much as I did...

Nine Mile Falls...

I never thought I would meet
some of my best friends on my mission.
Goodness, was I wrong.

Ever since Sister Allen and I served together
(my second transfer out in the field)
we dreamed of when I would fly up to Washington
and see her get off the plane.
Well, that dream came true this past weekend.

It was a fun weekend full of shopping, BBQ's, movies,
and reminiscing of mission memories.
As y'all can imagine, I had the time of my life.

Her homecoming talk was incredible.
She is such a strong example to me
and taught me so many precious things.

People used to always tell us
we looked like twins on the mission.
I remember people in the ward
couldn't tell us apart.
This weekend, her grandparents
kept talking to me like I was their granddaughter.

One night we walked down to the dock
and chatted about our lives.
We talked about how crazy it is that
we served together, and we
wouldn't have ever known each other
if it weren't for our missions.
Who ever thought I would spend a weekend
in nine mile falls, washington
with a country girl?
We are so opposite, but exactly the same.

I had a constant smile after I realized
she is finally home.

A Game Called Nertz..

I got a text today from one of my best friends
and I instantly knew something was wrong.
Long story short, she found out some things about her fiance
and she doesn't know if she can marry him anymore.

I of course rushed to her house and we went on a long walk.
We talked about everything that is going on, and how she feels.
Tears came to my eyes as I felt what she was going through
and the extremely hard decision that was ahead of her.

This experience made me really think about the gospel
and how important it is to have a strong relationship
with my Heavenly Father; to understand how He answers
our individual prayers and what it feels like to KNOW
that a decision I make is right.

It also made me think about Christ, and how
He knows everything we are going through.
He can help us when we go through times like this.

Before my mission, I wasn't exactly sure how He
answered my prayers. I knew He was there and that He
listened, but I didn't know how He responded.
I now realize how important it was to find out how He
speaks to me; how I can communicate with Him, not just
say how I feel and be done.

But how do we know? How do we KNOW and not just believe?
It is through the Holy Ghost that we can KNOW for a surety
that something is right. We are so blessed to be able
to receive answers to our greatest questions.

And we are blessed to KNOW that He loves and cares for each of us.

How does He answer your prayers? How do you find answers?
Think about it; and if you don't know, ask Heavenly Father and
pay attention to how He speaks to you.

After a thought provoking day, I sat down with my dad and played some cards.
He compared his card playing skills to "cheribum and a flaming sword."
Needless to say, he won. I mean who could beat those kind of skills?
It is always nice to know that I also have a dad here on earth
that can always make me feel better.

Growing Up?

My parents did an outstanding job when they taught us
there is a time and a place to let your inner-child run wild.
The time and place usually occurs when we are all together...
Today's excuse was our belated Easter Egg Hunt.

We had two separate hunts: one for the kids and one for the adults.
Some of us get a little crazy, so the kids sometimes get injured if they get in the way.

I usually get shoved at least 3 times by my brothers so they can get the better treat...
Since I can't eat much chocolate, my mom went out and bought
really healthy treats so that I wouldn't feel left out.
My brothers were not too happy about that.
They kept yelling, "What is all this healthy crap?"
My little brother, Alex kept grabbing all of the healthy treats
and told my other brother he is going to keep it so I have to
trade all of my good treats with him. He is so loving...
Let's just say I was very happy with my pick of treats this year.

All in all, I just felt full of gratitude today.
I had a constant smile all day, even when I went to the singles ward.
That was probably due to the fact that I was with good friends.
By the way, Jacob and I are talking again. I like it that way.

To continue in my gratuitous mood today,
we were able to do face time with my sister, Heather.
It completely amazes me how we can see her in a matter of seconds,
and I can see how completely hyper and crazy my nieces are.
My nephew even started walking, and I was able to watch it.
I am grateful for technology and the many blessings it brings.

While I was on my mission, my best friend of 20+ years was married.
Today she came into town, and I was able to go see her and meet her husband.

We got caught up on each others lives and I watched her wedding video.
Once again, I am grateful technology was able to capture those moments
so I could feel like I was there on her special day.

It is those moments where I thank my Heavenly Father for blessing the people
who mean most to me in my life to be able to make righteous decisions while I was gone.
And in those moments, I forget how sad I was to miss it
and remember the blessings He continues to give me.

DC's & BBQ chips

So I get a text from one of my good friends asking if I wanted to go on a group date and be set up with one of her boyfriend's friends... I wanted to go to see all of my friends, but I thought I could manage finding my own date, so I began the search. Well, let's be honest, I asked one person and he couldn't because he already had plans, so I gave up.

For the next 30 minutes I sat with my mom debating on if I should be social and give in to going on a blind date. It was that moment that we all feel quite constantly on deciding to either be social and outgoing, or stay home in pj's and watch a movie. I learned two things through this debate...

1. I prayed about it and got an answer that I should go. This may sound silly, but this testifies once again that Heavenly Father cares about EVERYTHING we are going through. Even if it is a decision to be social or not.

2. I make a big deal out of the smallest things!! Here I am stressing out about going on a blind date or not, and my mom is treating it like it is a huge deal! In the meantime, she is stressed and has a lot to deal with, but is caring enough to listen to my lame problems. She is just so great.

Well, as I am sure all of you guessed, I went on the date. When I told my friend I would go, she said, "Your date is really funny, this is definitely going to be just a really fun date!" So... In other words, he is really ugly? Ha no, he turned out to be cute AND fun! Wow!

I had such a blast with my college friends; tonight was definitely a night that needed to happen. I love that Heavenly Father knew what I needed and allowed me to have a great night. I hadn't really talked with a couple of them since I have been home, so we sat and talked for a while. Even when our dates dropped us off at our cars, we drove to Maverick and grabbed snacks and continued to talk about our lives. Classic Diet Coke was a definite must and to my surprise, I found some dairy-free BBQ chips...

I rocked out to music on the way home as I munched on my new treat. Tonight rocked.

nos·tal·gia   [no-stal-juh, -jee-uh, nuh-]
noun
a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one's life, to one's home or homeland, or to one's family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time.

I have felt an excessive amount of nostalgia these past couple days... A "wistful desire" to return back home to New England. I suppose I brought it upon myself when I decided to unpack the boxes I sent home just a couple days ago. Keep in mind, I have been home a month, and I just got to it. I am sure I was trying to make up excuses of other things I had to do so I could avoid the inevitable. Sure enough, as I was packing up my Mission Memories into Rubbermaid containers, my heart ached. I yearned for that New England feeling I have been missing and just can't seem to find.

I figured it was about time I packed away my worn-out shoes. I don't even know how they made it as long as they did. But I packed away those memories and tried to move on from the dream I was living... and start living a new dream with those special memories deep in my heart.

Then today happened.

Tonight I went on a date with Edward, and we went to a Thai restaurant. I had no idea which restaurant we were going to, and as we pulled up to the restaurant, I saw the title... SAWADEE. Supposedly it is the best Thai restaurant in SLC. On my mission, I taught Bee Berg and she was from Thailand; one of the things she taught me in Thai is Sa Wa Dee Ka which means "Hello, how are you?" So, seeing this restaurant, I felt pretty excited that I knew what it meant. We went inside, ordered, and our food came pretty quickly. As I was given my meal, it was something Bee had made for us, and a flood of memories came back to me from my mission. Back on my birthday, we made this Thai dish in our apartment and it reminded me of sweet Phyllis, because her funeral had been on my birthday. It was all because of the similar food. I couldn't hold it in any longer, and I became a typical RM; I began to go on and on about my mission and the story of Phyllis. How could I not? She was so incredible.

I realized tonight why RM's can't hold in their excitement of talking about their missions. I felt close to exploding, how could I not talk about the part of my life that brought the most happiness? The nostalgia continued throughout the night, and a smile was on my face constantly. Oh how I miss home. I can't wait to breathe in the gorgeous fumes of New England this fall.... Hoping for October 4th, I will keep y'all posted.

But, to not sound completely hopeless, I am loving being home...

Edward surprised me the other night and took me to a Vegan restaurant because he knows eating out bothers my insides. Please tell me what guy would ever go to a Vegan restaurant for a girl. I am pretty lucky. Don't worry, I am not Vegan... Yet.

You know you have true friends when
getting together after not seeing each other in 18 months,
it is as if nothing has ever changed.

All of us have been best friends since around 3rd or 4th grade,
and we got together tonight for Rachel's "bachelorette party".
We all have such different lives, and we all haven't seen each other
since my farewell. But that didn't make a difference tonight,
because the second we all got together, it was like we were back in elementary school.

I was in complete bliss.

Is it terrible that I am a work-a-holic already?
I guess it is keeping me very busy, which is great.
I just can't get enough of it! I am making up for lost time here...

I shot my sister's kids, and I always love doing kid pictures.
They turned out pretty good for not shooting for a while!

Yes, my job is taking up all of my time, but I am loving it.
My best friend is getting married next weekend and then moving to NJ right after.
I heard my mom talking to my dad tonight and she said,
"Rachel is moving right after she gets married. She is Elizabeth's best friend,
who is Elizabeth going to hang out with after she leaves?"
I think it appears that I have no social life, especially since I am working so much.
When it comes to girls, I guess I don't, because they are all pretty much married...
Luckily my job rocks, and I am dating a lot.

It is pictures like this one that make me love what I do.

Well...

I'm HOME!!

And I truly cannot believe it.

It is interesting to think back on how many times I imagined this day, and it was beyond expression. There are no words I could use to describe the feelings I felt coming home. I could say I felt every feeling that a person could feel, but one word that could best describe how I felt was JOY.

My Homecoming was wonderful, and my mom decorated everything so cute!

I am working on posting my talk on here for y'all to listen to, so that will be coming soon!
I spent the longest time thinking of what my talk should be on, but could never get myself to sitting down and writing it. So, the morning of my homecoming, I wrote down about 5 notes on a piece of paper, stuck it in my Book of Mormon, and headed to the church. It is amazing how the Spirit works and how I didn't even need those notes, because the Spirit just told me what to say. I loved it.

Since my brother and I have been gone on our missions, it has been a very long time since all of my siblings have been together. We were all able to be together at my homecoming, and the smile on my face couldn't have been any bigger. My siblings are some of the funniest people I know, and when we all get together, we all laugh so much! We are all so different, so putting us all together is hilarious. Someone once asked me if I could do anything, what it would be, and my answer was sitting at a table with my siblings and parents and telling stories. I have never laughed so hard than at family dinners.

Being home has been beautiful. My family means so much to me, and that is what I missed the most. I have loved being with them, and that has been the best part of being home.

Another fun part of being home was seeing so many fun friends! It is great catching up after so long.

Since I have been home, I have done so many different things, and some of these fun things include:

The Guster concert with some of my closest friends; the concert was so chill, it was a perfect way to ease back into music.

An awesome trip to St. George with my family. It was so warm, and I haven't felt that in a while! It was a trip that was definitely needed.

Some ROCKIN OUT on Guitar Hero. Now, this was a must! I wasn't as rusty as I thought I would be.

Seeing some of my best friends get married... Now that is so strange, but incredible to see a sealing.

Going to Disney World and Harry Potter World!! So incredible!!!!

I even tried Gator meat while I was there.

The new City Creek Mall opened downtown, and it is BEAUTIFUL!!!! I go there way too often, but I just love the new atmosphere downtown!

I also was lucky enough to have a mission reunion, and I was able to see my mission president, his wife, and some friends from the mission! I loved sharing memories of the mission.

Sister Jacob and I wore matching outfits without knowing it. We know each other too well!

Celebrated March Madness by cheering for the Kansas Jayhawks (my sister in law is from Kansas)

Visited many different Temples

Started back up at work shooting weddings, and I am LOVING IT!!!!

GOT A NEW CAR!!!! I am thinking of naming her Betsy...

And of course... DATED. Now we all know this is what is important... Let me show you a picture of the boy who stole my first kiss...

Why can't they all be like baby Luke?

But really, let's have an update of the boys in my life... Here comes the fine details... (names have been changed...)
First is Jacob, who is my best friend. Let me be honest, we haven't dated, but he wants to date. It was my boss that told me all along that Jacob wanted to date me and I always denied it. Well, he called me up one night and this was our conversation...

Jacob: Lil, what would you say if we went on a date… Actually, Lil, will you go on a date with me?
I sat there in silence for a while.
Jacob: I just want to see, I want to see if anything is there. Just one date is all I ask.
Lil: ……………..Fine. One date.
Jacob: I just can’t go on always wondering if things could have happened.
Lil: So what happens when we go out and my feelings are still the same for you and nothing changes?
Jacob: Then we won’t be friends anymore. I would rather risk our friendship in knowing I could possibly have you for eternity.
Lil: Jacob, I am not willing to sacrifice that.
Silence.
Lil: I don’t see you in that way Jacob.
Jacob: I know Lil, but I wish you did.
Lil: I view you as my brother, which is closer than anything else.
Jacob: But I don’t want to be viewed that way. It’s like I try to get over you, and then things happen…
Lil: Like when I call you all the time…
Jacob: No, its fine when you call, that isn’t it.
Lil: Yes it is! I am not going to call you anymore.
Jacob: No, please still call me.
Lil: I am not going to. It just won’t work.
Silence.
Jacob: I want you to be with me Lil. But there is nothing I can do now. I tried, and that is all I can do I guess.
I began to cry, because I knew everything was going to change at that point. I couldn’t have him as my best friend anymore… and that killed me.
Jacob: Well Lil, if you ever change your mind, let me know.
Lil: I will Jacob.
And that was it. My best friend professed his love to me, and I couldn’t say it back. I wish I could.
And ever since that night, I haven’t called him. I haven’t been able to talk to my best friend. I guess it has been a good thing, because I have relied on others, myself, and the Lord to help me in situations. But it doesn’t change the fact that it is still hard.

I have been set up on many dates by friends, family, etc., and those have gone well, but all of them have been single dates just waiting for the next date to happen. They have all been pretty fun! So we will see if any of those actually turn into anything. But I will keep y'all updated on anything that happens.

People keep asking if I am engaged yet... NO!! And I am not even close, trust me!

Well, life is good, and I am having fun being home.

KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON!!

And like I always say,

TAWANDA!!