Confessions of an RM

Well...

I'm HOME!!

And I truly cannot believe it.

It is interesting to think back on how many times I imagined this day, and it was beyond expression. There are no words I could use to describe the feelings I felt coming home. I could say I felt every feeling that a person could feel, but one word that could best describe how I felt was JOY.

My Homecoming was wonderful, and my mom decorated everything so cute!

I am working on posting my talk on here for y'all to listen to, so that will be coming soon!
I spent the longest time thinking of what my talk should be on, but could never get myself to sitting down and writing it. So, the morning of my homecoming, I wrote down about 5 notes on a piece of paper, stuck it in my Book of Mormon, and headed to the church. It is amazing how the Spirit works and how I didn't even need those notes, because the Spirit just told me what to say. I loved it.

Since my brother and I have been gone on our missions, it has been a very long time since all of my siblings have been together. We were all able to be together at my homecoming, and the smile on my face couldn't have been any bigger. My siblings are some of the funniest people I know, and when we all get together, we all laugh so much! We are all so different, so putting us all together is hilarious. Someone once asked me if I could do anything, what it would be, and my answer was sitting at a table with my siblings and parents and telling stories. I have never laughed so hard than at family dinners.

Being home has been beautiful. My family means so much to me, and that is what I missed the most. I have loved being with them, and that has been the best part of being home.

Another fun part of being home was seeing so many fun friends! It is great catching up after so long.

Since I have been home, I have done so many different things, and some of these fun things include:

The Guster concert with some of my closest friends; the concert was so chill, it was a perfect way to ease back into music.

An awesome trip to St. George with my family. It was so warm, and I haven't felt that in a while! It was a trip that was definitely needed.

Some ROCKIN OUT on Guitar Hero. Now, this was a must! I wasn't as rusty as I thought I would be.

Seeing some of my best friends get married... Now that is so strange, but incredible to see a sealing.

Going to Disney World and Harry Potter World!! So incredible!!!!

I even tried Gator meat while I was there.

The new City Creek Mall opened downtown, and it is BEAUTIFUL!!!! I go there way too often, but I just love the new atmosphere downtown!

I also was lucky enough to have a mission reunion, and I was able to see my mission president, his wife, and some friends from the mission! I loved sharing memories of the mission.

Sister Jacob and I wore matching outfits without knowing it. We know each other too well!

Celebrated March Madness by cheering for the Kansas Jayhawks (my sister in law is from Kansas)

Visited many different Temples

Started back up at work shooting weddings, and I am LOVING IT!!!!

GOT A NEW CAR!!!! I am thinking of naming her Betsy...

And of course... DATED. Now we all know this is what is important... Let me show you a picture of the boy who stole my first kiss...

Why can't they all be like baby Luke?

But really, let's have an update of the boys in my life... Here comes the fine details... (names have been changed...)
First is Jacob, who is my best friend. Let me be honest, we haven't dated, but he wants to date. It was my boss that told me all along that Jacob wanted to date me and I always denied it. Well, he called me up one night and this was our conversation...

Jacob: Lil, what would you say if we went on a date… Actually, Lil, will you go on a date with me?
I sat there in silence for a while.
Jacob: I just want to see, I want to see if anything is there. Just one date is all I ask.
Lil: ……………..Fine. One date.
Jacob: I just can’t go on always wondering if things could have happened.
Lil: So what happens when we go out and my feelings are still the same for you and nothing changes?
Jacob: Then we won’t be friends anymore. I would rather risk our friendship in knowing I could possibly have you for eternity.
Lil: Jacob, I am not willing to sacrifice that.
Silence.
Lil: I don’t see you in that way Jacob.
Jacob: I know Lil, but I wish you did.
Lil: I view you as my brother, which is closer than anything else.
Jacob: But I don’t want to be viewed that way. It’s like I try to get over you, and then things happen…
Lil: Like when I call you all the time…
Jacob: No, its fine when you call, that isn’t it.
Lil: Yes it is! I am not going to call you anymore.
Jacob: No, please still call me.
Lil: I am not going to. It just won’t work.
Silence.
Jacob: I want you to be with me Lil. But there is nothing I can do now. I tried, and that is all I can do I guess.
I began to cry, because I knew everything was going to change at that point. I couldn’t have him as my best friend anymore… and that killed me.
Jacob: Well Lil, if you ever change your mind, let me know.
Lil: I will Jacob.
And that was it. My best friend professed his love to me, and I couldn’t say it back. I wish I could.
And ever since that night, I haven’t called him. I haven’t been able to talk to my best friend. I guess it has been a good thing, because I have relied on others, myself, and the Lord to help me in situations. But it doesn’t change the fact that it is still hard.

I have been set up on many dates by friends, family, etc., and those have gone well, but all of them have been single dates just waiting for the next date to happen. They have all been pretty fun! So we will see if any of those actually turn into anything. But I will keep y'all updated on anything that happens.

People keep asking if I am engaged yet... NO!! And I am not even close, trust me!

Well, life is good, and I am having fun being home.

KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON!!

And like I always say,

TAWANDA!!